Getting a divorce can be terribly difficult on any couple. When there are children involved, however, it can be even harder on them. Once you are 100% sure that a divorce is going to take place, you need to figure out how you will break the news to the kids. While this is certainly not going to be an easy task, it is important to do it right since you only get one shot. Depending on your situation, the following five options can help make this terribly difficult experience easier on the kids.
Tell Your Children Together
One of the most important things you can do to help make this easier on your kids is to tell them together. Unless there is an extremely serious reason why both parents can’t be there, having the whole family together for this is critical. By telling them together, you are showing that both parents are aware of it and accept it. This will help to keep the kids from trying to blame one parent or the other. It will also give them an opportunity to talk to their parents at the same time.
Don’t Place Blame
Even if the divorce is only wanted by one party, this is not something your kids need to worry about. Placing blame can be tempting in situations like this, but the children have a right to love and respect both parents. Assigning blame on one parent is only going to hurt the children in the long run. Your relationship issues don’t need to be known by your kids, so just stick with letting them know that the divorce is happening and how it will impact them.
Have Answers to Known Questions
Your children will likely have quite a few questions. While you certainly won’t have answers to everything yet, it is a good idea to have as many answers as you can. One of the worst parts of parents getting divorced is that it introduces an immense amount of uncertainty into the lives of their kids. If you can let them know about things like what their living situation will be, if any changes to school will occur, and anything else, it will go a long way toward easing these fears.
Assure them of Your Love
Of course, throughout this difficult conversation, and well beyond it, you need to be assuring them that both their parents love them and that it is absolutely not their fault. Even if they don’t seem to care, this constant reassurance can go a long way toward easing this difficult transition.
Have Plenty of Time for Questions – But Don’t Force Them
Schedule a time to tell your kids when you won’t be in a hurry to wrap up the conversation. Kids sometimes have a lot of questions, and that is very healthy. Other kids, however, might not have any questions right at that time. This is also completely fine. Giving them ample opportunity to ask their questions now, and for weeks to come, will help make adjustments easier.
Remember, even if you have known that your marriage was having trouble for quite some time, your children likely didn’t (or at least didn’t want to accept it). This type of conversation can be quite shocking to them, and it is important to put your own issues aside and focus on your children to help get them through it.
Attorney Russell J.G. Amsberry
Attorney Russell J.G. Amsberry founded the Amsberry Law Firm in 1995 with the goal of providing clients with exceptional, focused representation on their issues. His success as a legal advocate has been reflected in the numerous professional honors he has received, such as speaking engagements and inclusion in Scene in SA magazine’s listing of the best lawyers in San Antonio, a Distinguished rating from Martindale-Hubble, and an amazing rating from Avvo. [ Attorney Bio ]
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